perfume.sucks: no context, no explanation, no scintillating marketing

 

edible iris drops form perfume.sucks

edible iris drops from perfume.sucks Photo by dana of dana

 

Before heading out to Esxence this year I gathered my senses, dove deep into google for contacts, crossed my fingers, and sent everyone I could find an invitation to fill out a short survey. I titled it, simply, “the nosey questionnaire” and went all out with questions like: “what’s the next popular material to fall out of fashion?”, “who’s your perfect buyer”?, and “what’s your favorite swear?” (sorry, had to). Andreas Wilhelm (Wilhelm Perfume, Sarah Baker, L’Adone, and perfume.sucks, Award winner and all-around awesome hunter-gatherer) was one of the first to answer it—and his witty, realistic, and refreshingly playful words made even more sense once I saw him in person. (#fact: personal interaction always adds to the picture, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise).  Andreas’ latest project, perfume.sucks, is built on a transparency model that’s both needed and slightly intimidating: every formula has been rejected by other brands, and is displayed, raw, straight on the bottle. No context, no explanation, no scintillating marketing (except for his iris gourmandises, of course).

So how, then, in this era of complex stories and insinuating visuals, does one go about describing these “alcoholic solutions. Sprayable”?

This is how.

 

Perfume sucks Black review

perfume.sucks  Black Photo by dana

 

NAME: Black

ASPECT: Tall, strong, you can’t not see me. Night creature.

PREFERENCES: Loves metal and menthol. Can keep going for a long time. Secret meditator.

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: woody, pulpy, heady, armpits, leather jacket, cat.

ANIMAL SPIRIT: goat

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: Nothing matters. Not even Nietzche.

FAVORITE COLOR: red

(benzoin, pepper, rose, oud, ambergris, oakmoss, amber, ambroxan, nard, olibanum; other perceived notes: dirt, musk, spices; sweetness)

 

Perfume sucks Yellow review

perfume.sucks -Yellow. Photo by dana

 

NAME: Yellow

ASPECT: No body to speak of. Creature of dusk.

PREFERENCES: Silence, nature, high vibrations, cyclicity, oneness…as long as it’s silent.

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: Others can’t feel me unless I want them to.

ANIMAL SPIRIT: bumblebee

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: There’s no wrong; the wrong is just a longer way to get to the right.

FAVORITE COLOR: orange

(official notes: rum, amber, cumin, cyprion, wood, patchouli, sandalwood, fir; other perceived notes: labdanum, smoke, stone, copper, salt)

 

Perfume Sucks Blue review

perfume.sucks Blue Photo by dana

 

NAME: Blue

ASPECT: Tall, lean, you can’t not see me. Morning person.

PREFERENCES: I love early runs and fresh sheets.

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: neat; uppity; friend-next-door; always ready; inventor of the scrunchie

ANIMAL SPIRIT: unicorn

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: Don’t let them see you. If they do, be terminally delightful.

FAVORITE COLOR: yellow

(official notes: sandalwood, cassis, hedione, ambretone, cardamom, mate and calone; other perceived notes: soap)

 

pperfume.sucks Purple review

 perfume.sucks – Purple. Photo by dana

 

NAME: Purple

ASPECT: Thin and stringy, striking, studied, stunning

PREFERENCES: Velour. Sasha, Andy, David, and all the other cool cats at the Studio (54)

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: excessive and painfully prolific

ANIMAL SPIRIT: orca

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: create make fabricate invent

FAVORITE COLOR: green

(official notes: ambergris, pine tree, ginger, mimosa, orris root and ambroxan; other perceived notes: rose, blackberry, camphor)

 

- perfume.sucks Blue review

 perfume.sucks Green. Photo by dana

 

NAME: Green

ASPECT: Sun-kissed, thick, smooth, perky; unibrow; dimples.

PREFERENCES: Maximalism, expressionism, overt feelings, continuity; would rather suffer together with others than be happy on one’s own.

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: always there, but always slightly off; gay; lover of life; sunny.

ANIMAL SPIRIT: monkey

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: if you’re going to San Francisco, don’t forget some flowers in your hair

FAVORITE COLOR: blue

(official notes: ambroxan, hedione, cardamom, olibanum, black pepper, labdanum, citruses, mandarin orangev, magnolia; other perceived notes: cannabis, green apple (or green mango?), milk, lemon drops, coffee, burnt rubber, hot steel, paint, rootbeer)

 

pperfume.sucks Indigo review

 

perfume.sucks Red. Photo by dana

 

NAME: Red

ASPECT: Tall and muscular, shiny, smooth, clean

PREFERENCES: Loudness and speed, precise driving, risky (big) money; side passion in overting misogyny and calling out night snackers. Religious exerciser.

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: Strong and lethal, undeterred, like a cobra.

ANIMAL SPIRIT: puma

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY: Whoever feeds you controls you.

FAVORITE COLOR: indigo

(official notes: coumarin, lemon, iso e super, vetiver and hedione; other perceived notes: lavender, cassis, spices)

 

perfume.sucks Violet review

 Living Coral Photo by dana

 

NAME: Living coral 

ASPECT: plump and rosy, soft-skinned, rubensian, curly nests of coppery hair in all the good places, exaggerated features you can’t look away from

PREFERENCES: togas, grapes, thick friends lazily waving ostrich feather fans, decadent desserts, exotic animal likings, casual philosophy, vicarious traveling

HOW OTHERS DESCRIBE ME: shallowest smart brain ever

ANIMAL SPIRIT: secretaire bird

PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY:  de gustibus

FAVORITE COLOR: Violet

(official notes: violet leaf, saffron, violet, iris, peach, ylang, benzoin, heliotrope, cinnamon, jasmine, clearwood, ambroxan, cotton candy.)

Disclaimer: Samples of perfume.sucks kindly provided by Andreas (danke!). My opinions are my own.

–dana sandu, Contributor who also did the awesome  photo collages

 

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32 comments

  • Damiana C says:

    I am intrigued by the edgy concept of this perfume line that rejects any conventional marketing strategy! I would love to try all the fragrances and I am especially curious about the edible orris drop. Purple sounds like a great one with the fresh, green notes combined with mimosa. I live in the USA and appreciate the opportunity to win!

  • INYA says:

    What a fun article! The notes in all of the fragrances sound amazing. However, I’m truly drawn towards Yellow. Being a gardener, I’m in awe of my spirit animal, the humble bumblebee. And I love viewing my flowers at dusk. Great giveaway, thanks for the opportunity to sniff! USA

  • Teresa says:

    Wow…what a unique review! Thank you Dana and thank you Andreas Wilhelm for an opportunity to try each of these. Although each ‘interview’ offered intriguing details, the scent of Violet appeals to me the most. I am in the US.

  • BostonScentGuy says:

    Black, red, and living coral sound great! And I am infinitely curious about an orris candy. I love the descriptions–the style and spare wording seem apropos for the scents! Love the rough and tumble nature of black. I worry about the iso e super in red, and the “muscular” and jerky sounding adjectives, but I’m hopeful! I love the physical description in the violet and saffron one. Thanks for the draw. I’m in the US.

  • riddlemo says:

    Green appeals to me with its alcoholic accords mixed with fruity and gingery touches. The concept behind the “fragrances” is still unclear to me and I want to find out exactly what this brand is all about. (Commenting from FL, USA)

  • Lina says:

    I love description of blue: you are the first one associating blue with a morning person. Turquoise would be my favourite… Thanks Dana and thanks Cafleurebon for sharing these beauties. Love from Romania

  • NiceVULady says:

    There are several of these which caught my attention…Yellow, Living Coral, Green, and Purple. Pretty much all of them. They sound fantastic and I would LOVE to win one of the Discovery sets. Thanks for the review and a great draw. I’m in the USA

  • susie q says:

    Thank-You Dana and Andreas Wilhelm for the outstandingly fun review and perfume.sucks sample sets. Dana I Love this description delivery and Kudos on the collages. I dig this idea I really do can I say I’m drawn to purple and Living Coral descriptions and to the blue yellow and black notes I dunno I’d love to sample these I haven’t even seen the bottles but I’m in to minimalism look anyways, USA

  • Jos says:

    Like the mix of color and scent. The color that appeals to me most is green. Living in the Netherlands

  • Geo St says:

    So, so curious about these scents! And what a nonconformist and ingenious review! The night creature, Black, caught me 🙂 Thx Dana & Cafleurebon! With ❤ from Romania

  • Linda70 says:

    At EXSENCE I tried the scents of the non-conformist and very nice Andreas Wilhelm and I really liked them a lot, especially the RED that reflects me, I was struck by the simplicity (but not banality) of everything, even the little book with formulas catapults you into this beautiful world. BRAVISSIMO and OUT OF THE USUAL SCHEMES. PS: In Italy, however, I’m not there yet … when I go to Switzerland I make an supply !!! Linda – EU

  • arlene1622 says:

    Oh golly gosh, the fact that every perfume.sucks formula had been rejected by other brands immediately make me sit up like a Meerkat and take notice! But why? Because rejects are rebellious, defiant, nonconformist… I LOVE THAT! Why blend in when you can stand out? The color Red definitely appeals to me. If you want to be a rebel you have to be: “Strong and lethal, undeterred, like a cobra.” I reside in sunny South Africa. Exquisite photo collage Dana Sandu!

  • brindusa says:

    Dana is so creative. Even a perfume that sucks 😉 could be a very desirable one with her review :))
    Very good marketing.
    I’d choose yellow, as well as any other one, because the playful presentation is stimulating.
    I am from Romania.

  • Steve A. says:

    Truly the name Perfume.Sucks is the greatest ever. I’m drawn to the note list of Blue. US

  • diamia says:

    LOL DANA (pictures with Romanian money! double lol)
    this is one of most fabulous reviews I’ve ever read. I like the Red description but I’m a blue colour person (I’m blue, da ba dee da ba doo). I’m from Romania.

  • Timea says:

    Very interesting review and fragrances. All of these sounds nice. I live in Europe.

  • Dona says:

    Dana, you are a flower, you are a lily, you are the most beautiful perfume and, as a sign I love you, here I sign, Dona and I am a blue color person! LOL from Romania

  • Laurentiu says:

    Yellow is my favourite. The other notes perceived of stone, copper, salt sound really intriguing.

    I am in EU. Thank you!

  • kb1993 says:

    Oh my! Whoever wins thos awesome giveaway is so lucky! Ive been so curious abput this house every since I googled gourmand orris fragrance and diccovered the orris candy that I so want to try! I think living coral had the most interesting notes for me.

    Thank you for the chance, USA

  • Caliwas says:

    The concept of perfume.sucks is very interesting. The color that appeals to me is black with its metal, leather jacket and night life. I live in CA, USA.

  • Hasib says:

    Interestingly strange. Like how they are described. First time hearing of this. Thanks, US

  • Diana D says:

    I just started following this company a few weeks ago!! Their creations sound so intriguing! I love the description of Black. The spirit animal is the goat and my astrological sign is Capricorn. But I also love the description of Living Coral. The composition of notes sound gorgeous! I’d love to win a sample set to be able to experience the whole line.
    I live in the US.

  • Michael Prince says:

    Perfume.sucks is a unique name for a fragrance brand and some of the unique notes used in their scents that draws in my attention. The color blue appeals most to me. I am from the USA.

  • doveskylark says:

    I love this concept and got excited reading the answers. I am not surprised that Black appeals to me most. Metal. Armpits. Nothing matters. Boxes checked.
    I live in the USA.

  • Onoratka says:

    Black appeals to me because It’s night’s creature scent – dark and worrisome.
    I would like to try sample set.
    Poland.

  • wildevoodoo says:

    What a unique concept. What first drew me to perfume.sucks was the name, as I’m sure is the case for many others. As I learned more about them I was thrilled by their eschewing of traditional marketing and production concepts! But the name still gets me, lol. ‘Black’ sounds appealing for the notes and the personal philosophy (‘nothing matters, not even Nietzsche’ is hilarious), and ‘living coral’ and its Rubensian aspect are such draws for me since Rubens is one of my favorite artists! I am in the US 🙂

  • bigscoundrel says:

    I love the concept of the line. I especially liked the description and notes for Green and Red. I’m in the USA.

  • Nicoleta.Tomsa says:

    Loved the review !!!! If this is a “dating profile” for perfumes I am intrigued by the uber nihilist black. Nothing matters, not even Nietzche! I have to smell that! (and “he” also loves my favorite color, red, lol) 😀 Sending love from Romania.